Secret Diary of a Mom » Body Parts

Entourage and Anal Sex

elizabeth — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 17:41:19 +0000

One of my favorite shows, “Entourage” had a very thought provoking topic on Sunday night. Back door, AKA anal sex.

The guys were at a nightclub and they were all saying how great it is. When Eric asked why can’t he just enjoy vaginal sex, Drama said that that was his third favorite!

Third?

So, it got me thinking. Have I been missing out all these years? Aren’t oral and regular sex great enough?

What could be so special about taking it in the ass?

I can see for the guy that it would be tighter and that might feel good. But, what about the woman?

Especially, if her lover is very well endowed. How in the world is THAT supposed to fit in there??

Many porn movies/sites depict the woman moaning like crazy during anal, so I guess there must be something extra special about it.

In fact, one hot video I recently watched had a woman squirting like a geyser after the guy was in her ass with some sort of anal vibe.

Hmm…?

Ok, stop twisting my arm. I have decided to at least consider it. Just remember sometimes having a lover with a big dick can present some challenges.

So, if you see some Milf walking down the street bowlegged you’ll know why.

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I Love Boobs

elizabeth — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 04:07:42 +0000

I mentioned in my very first post here that I love boobs. I’m not a lesbian – I just appreciate the female form. Especially boobs.

Anyhow, somebody was paying attention, because she sent me a tribute to my blog… on her boobs!

Thanks mystery boob lady.

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I Have Dick Sucking Lips

elizabeth — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 02:18:46 +0000

Fellatio, giving head, sucking dick, going down, sucking off… are just some of the many names for a blow job.

Some guys like sex on the bottom, Missionary, doggie, anal, in a closet.

But, I have never met a guy who didn’t absolutely love getting a blow job.

I can’t speak to why it feels so good, being a woman and all. However, I have been giving head for many, many years.

When I was in 6th grade, I had my first boyfriend. His name was Jay and he taught me how to kiss. When we broke up, he would make fun of me in my middle school cafeteria and call me, “Lover Lips”.

I wanted to cry every time he called me that. See, I had and have very big lips. Not ridiculously large, but full luscious lips. The kind that look great on a woman, but crazy on a 12 year old girl with feathered hair.

The kind that people pay to get, think what Lisa Rinna was trying to achieve.

So, now my lips are one of my best assets. Yes, I have DSL (Dick Sucking Lips) and I love to use them.

My only qualm about BJ’s is that I can never fit the whole thing in. Brandon must think I have magic powers or he has a very short term memory because he asks me to try and fit the whole thing in every time we are in bed.

Unless he gets a dick shrinking machine, then it’s just not going to happen.

Although giving a blow job can be quite the job, I actually enjoy it. When else can I do something that is completely and unselfishly giving pleasure to my husband?

Ok, I have a confession. I get totally turned on while giving head. I mean, panties all tied up in a knot, turned on.

So, I guess I lied. BJ’s are not entirely altruistic on my part.

My friend Matt actually has a dog named “Balls”. No joke. They named him that because he was constantly, well, um… licking his balls.

Got me thinking that it is a good thing that men cannot give themselves blow jobs.

If they could, men would never leave the house and I am pretty sure society would end as we know it.

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My Husband is a Breast Milk Man

elizabeth — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 14:57:01 +0000

Apparently, the latest delicacy in NY is a cheese made with breast milk. Yes, human breast milk.

So it got me thinking. What would possess someone to make cheese out of his wife’s breast milk?

I breastfed my three kids and it was awesome for both me and my kids. However, I think having someone else’s breast milk is kind of strange.

If you’ve never tasted breast milk, it kind of tastes like sugar water. Nothing too exciting, as far as I could tell. Now, my hubby thought is tasted like heaven.

I think that it’s only because they came out of my boobs and anything to do with boobs is phenomenal to him. I could have had hot sauce mixed with ice-cream in there and he probably would have enjoyed it.

Once in a while, he would enjoy getting some milk during sex. But usually I just couldn’t do it.

It was too weird to go from a little baby head, so innocently suckling for nourishment to my hubby’s big head and scruffy face stealing all of the babies milk.

Brandon didn’t get why my boobs were mostly off limits during sex. They had been such an integral part of our love life.

I tried to make the comparison of what if he had to feed the babies with his penis. There would be no way he’d be into having me suck him after feeding a baby that way.

He made a face like he had been kicked in the balls and then said, “It’s so not the same thing, but anyway, I would never turn down a blow job.”

It figures.

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Size Matters (Penis Size, that is)

elizabeth — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 22:11:53 +0000

I’m just going to say it-size matters. I have been with a few guys over the years (ok, more than a few) and have had all kinds of shapes and sizes.

Now, I know that sex experts will say that size doesn’t matter. Something about it’s the motion in the ocean and how most of the nerve endings are in the lower part of our cervix, blah, blah, blah. And to that I say, rubbish.

When I first starting dating Brandon (now my hubby), we went out drinking one night and got wasted. We didn’t sleep together that night, but somehow, my hand ended up in his pants. Holy Cock (I mean, cow) this guy was huge! All of a sudden, the lyrics from a great song started going through my head, “Life is a highway, I wanna ride you all night long”.

Some people have gay-dar (the ability to tell when someone is gay) and some have ho-dar (the ability to tell when someone is a ho). Well, lucky for me, I have big dick-dar.

For some guys, they just cannot physically hide it. When a guy has a huge stick in his pants, there is only so much shifting and shuffling he can do before you see it hanging out on the side of his leg.

If you don’t believe me, start paying attention. Be subtle, of course, the way men are when they are checking out our boobs.

You may be surprised to see how many big dicks you are surrounded by.

The other dead give away is a guys’ self confidence. In other words, cocky guy=big cock.

Lastly, there is the whole shoe size thing. I know it’s a stereotype, but I think it may have contributed to why I have been so lucky in love over the years.

Let’s just say that my last three lovers (including my hubby) have worn size 12/13 shoes.

Just yesterday, I was talking to one of my best friends, Susan about this very topic. I was trying to figure out why it’s so important for a guy to be well endowed.

Aside from the obvious, umm…it feels good, Susan made a very important point. Like muscles, and big hands, a big penis is symbolic of everything that is masculine. And what’s not to love about that?

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